Fine Lines

Mom & Dad with baby Eli two years ago.

I am a happy, shiny, sugar-coati-fied, sparkly, optimistic gal.

It's how I roll, it's where I live, what I give, my own personal double-edge. Take. Leave. Allow it to inform all info I provide. 'Tis darn hard for me to deliver all the other nitty-gritty.

Still...and all... observing, experiencing and re-counting the ugly, hard, real life moments is valuable -and, like it or not, I can do that, too.

As I mentioned, on Wednesday, I attended a "family meeting" regarding Dad's health situation at Springs Rehab TCU unit. We filled the table with all the professionals involved... Nurse, Dietician, Charge Nurse, PT, OT, more (it's all becoming a blur, much as I strive to focus)....  The info was point by point, lingo related to each specialty. All gave glimpse into their view of him; all seemed to agree that next step was to send Dad HOME this Tuesday.

Mom had a list of questions.
In my opinion, she posed them well.
All responded with (what I perceived to be) honest (albeit "pat") answers.
I want to believe their assessment. I also want to ask them, "Are you crazy?"

And... I also know Dad wants me on the road home to my kids and grandkids.
(It's a fine, fine line).

Wednesday-Thursday, I drive. drive. drive. DRIVE.
Thursday, I arrive home home HOME.

Meanwhile, in South Carolina.... Dad's blood sugar continues to vascilate too high, too low - requiring constant attention. He is on a renal diet to control potassium and sodium (not at all happy about that). His white blood count falls dangerously low; red count is in dangerous zone, as well.

The hospitalist came to talk to Dad and Mom on Thursday, told them he has "End Stage Disease" - basically, from what I gather, all his systems are failing and incurable - what we can do is treat the symptoms and keep him as comfortable as possible. Not at all sure what the "powers that be" are currently recommending as far as going home; though I do know that home is most definitely where he wants to be.

Yesterday, however, they moved him off of the rehab floor of the hospital and admitted him to the regular hospital hospital where they have more equipment and attention to monitor his vitals and give him stronger meds.

Last night when I called him, he reported that he had fallen and it took several people to help him up.

So, things aren't looking so sparkly and we welcome all thoughts of peace, comfort and positive connections.

I am going to help my daughter pick out her wedding dress today -- and that IS pretty joyous and worthy of celebration. Once again, it's a fine line.

Blessings breath by breath...